Gathering some toiletries for our supermarket trolley tonight my youngest son (aged 8) and I found ourselves facing the razorblades. He looked at all the different types of razors and spotted the ladies razors.
"Are those ladies' razorblades?"
It's funny how all the possible directions the conversation might go start flashing through your mind at once. You can sense the 'fight or flight' instinct kicking in, but it's your 8 year old son ... and you know that all the people around you have heard the question and are deliberately hovering to wait how this parent will deal with this 'one'.
"Umm, yes they are ladies' razorblades."
Wait for it ....
"Do ladies have beards then?"
OK, so I chicken out,
"Well, I suppose some do."
But this is nothing compared to explaining the vending machines in men’s toilets. I remember my Dad telling me that you got chewing gum out of them! I could just imagine saying that to my younger son in front of my two eldest sons who are both in Secondary School.
When my youngest son did ask the question, "What are those Daddy?" the Gents were full! Needless to say both my eldest sons smirked and eagerly waited for my response. But I'm sorry, I chickened out again,
"We're late we've got to go now!"
"Bu..."
"Mum's waiting for us outside"
"Wha..."
"Come on", grabbing his hand and not making eye contact. I know I failed but I panicked - but at least I didn't say it was chewing gum. Could you imagine how embarresing it might be in later life?
"Hey Jenks, do you know where I can get some gum?" ....!
-------------------
Anyway, talking of razor blades (I can't work out if it's two words or one and I can't be bothered to check so I shall randomly use both versions) just where will it all stop? How many blades can you fit in one razor? Six blades seems to be the present record. The number of blades seems to be going up exponentially!
Now I have to admit that I was bought one of the six blade versions on the weekend - my previous razor only had half the number of blades. It's a little misleading as they actually have five blades for cutting. They try to romanticise what the sixth blade is for - sideburns, beard trimming but the real reason is because five blades PLUS a massive moisturising strip means you can't shove the razor high enough to cut the facial hair just below your nose. This would be a serious problem left unchecked as you would start to get a thin line moustache just below your nostrils.
Now, take my word for it, it is very hard to remove this facial hair with a nose hair trimmer (goodness, I'm going to have people peering up my nostrils now). This is because the hair is flat against the skin and nose hair trimmers aren't good at those types of hairs. This is where the sixth blade comes in - you revert to a single blade just below the nostrils.
Now this could be very dangerous for those young men (and women - for my youngest son) who are not practised at using a single blade. Look out for the cuts just below the nostrils ... this will be the indicator of those who have succumbed to advertising seduced by the promise of beautiful women stroking your smooth chin ... of course I wasn't, it was bought for me - by a very beautiful woman I might add, my wife.
Does your partner borrow your razor? Don't go there Jenks ...
And I won't.
I was going to say more about razors but I'm getting a bit bored of the topic and I can't see it making much difference to the world.
Why do I write so much rubbish? I agonise over comments I will make on Robert Sharp's blog or Clarice's blog, all of whom are clever young people - and then I'm scared off when I think of tackling their sharp intellects as it just seems to show me up as some sort of middle aged oaf - which I'm not, I don't think. Then I read that Clarice is referring to herself as being old on another’s blog, and that makes me feel archaic! But I have a suspicion that one or two people reading this will be higher up the age stakes than me ;-) I have yet another suspicion that they won't want to talk to me anymore either.
Rob, (referring to his post) the world is indeed divided into two groups of people - those who are older than you and those who are not.
I think that I better go to bed so that I don't embarrass myself any further. I'd copy this post as I shall probably edit when I reread it. Goodnight.
10 comments:
Really enjoyed this post (not least because it mentions me!)
So did the razor blade conversation stop with "some ladies do have beards", or have you edited some out? You did mention it's for shaving our legs, didn't you? Perhaps your son should have his own blog, then he can ask his delicate questions to the blogosphere, and that way you will be spared having to answer them in supermarkets. You could moderate the answers he gets, to avoid any miseducation.
Loved the idea of a thin line moustache - I shall look out for them.
And I'm sorry to hear you hesitate over posting to my blog - it's not like it is inundated with comments at this stage :-) - btw I loved your early posts about people viewing your blog for 0 seconds, I get a lot of those too. And as for being old, well, it's all relative, and I am 33 - too old I fear to understand or accept the fashion of boys wearing their trousers below their bottom. A great thing about blogs is they're a great leveller, and you get insights into different age-groups that you might not otherwise get. I've seen some written by school children, which is fascinating.
Oh, and ps, I would post more comments to your blog, but blogger doesn't always let me view the visual verification. Seems to be ok today though...
Most days I feel at least as old as Methuselah, or about four, depending on the way things unfold. It could go either way.
Like Clarice I enjoyed your razor blade story. And I do empathise with your comment about agonising over posting to other people's blogs. I used to, but now I think what the hell! Just go for it.And I think everyone should be proud of his/her age whatever it is. Do you remember that as a child you were so pleased to be able to add a year and even sometimes added halves and quarters? From 21 to 50 I felt fairly neutral about age but 50 felt to me like being over the hill and I even had dreams about getting to the top of the hill and taking a good look backwards at where I had come from. But since then each year seems a fine achievement of which I feel quite proud. Long may it continue !
Despite "what the hell" I would be devastated if you withheld approval from my comment!
Clarice:
I did explain to my son about ladies shaving their legs and under their arms, to which he giggled.
I do enjoy your blog and I shall hesitate no further, now that I am out of my loft (that sounds like 'out of my mind' which is sort of how I feel about my loft).
It's good getting older (I have the grey to prove it), you get a certain self confidence ... well, it might not necessarily always surface when making comments, but it is there. I wouldn't want to be younger, just aware of being older. It doesn't help when young men refer to me as 'sir'! I guess I look diginified, self confident, deluded :-)
I have removed that verification word thingy so it should be easier. I put it on in the early days when I received loads of junk comments trying to sell me stuff.
KW: I've seen your comments all over the blog world, you seem such a nice young lady. But I'm desperate to know what your doctorate study is in ...
Granny Rose: You confuse me, why would I withold approval for your comments? I only moderate to prevent spam. I don't feel bad about my age just aware of it. I think that other apsects of my life that I don't discuss on my blog (haven't up to now anyway) spill out when I write. Put it this way, I'm very aware of my own mortality at the moment.
Hello Jenks. I wonder why he giggled. I think that's rather interesting. I'm glad if you like my blog - comment away, the more the merrier. Glad to hear you're out of your loft anyway, sounds like a good place to be.
I keep getting the most dreadful spam on my site, if it's not fake internet drugs, it's the most hideous types of sex.
As for Granny Rose, I don't want to tread upon her toes, but then I don't want you to be confused by her either, so I'll just say the pass-word: TregIndeg.
ps At the risk of being inadvertently inappropriate, can we have a post about awareness of mortality please? I'd be very interested in what it means to other people.
Hello Clarice. I guess he superimposed me shaving (with shaving foam) onto lady's armpits and/or legs! Makes me smile when I think about it too. Us adults do many thing that warrant laughter ;-)
I've not had any spam recently, maybe they give up after a while.
Oh I know the password ;-) I do appreciate Granny Rose's comments - I'd love her to start a blog. Do you think she could be tempted? Do you think we should start a campaign?
"Granny Rose for blogging.
Granny Rose for blogging"
A post on my awareness of my own mortality ... I might just give that a go. Might surprise you though ;-)
Hi Jenks.
I don't want to be dour and humourless, but I don't quite see the funny side of leg-shaving.
I've tried to get GR to start a blog, but to no avail.
In the meantime, shall look forward to your next post.
Hello Clarice. I don't find leg shaving very funny either but a child giggling at it shows it up for what all is really - a bit pointless.
I used to think that our obsession with hairless female bodies would begin to change with feminism but instead men started shaving off all their body hair too! Madness!!
Unfortunately, it seems we are stuck with it and will be, until a future generation decides that actually male/female body hair is not so bad after all.
Ahhh, well, appearances can be deceptive. ;)
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